About EternalCoverage
EternalCoverage is the world-wide leader in Undeath Coverage. The company was founded in ancient times, on 3/3/2022, in response to repeated threats of loyalty and kindness by an angry mob of Hawaiian Monk Seals.
Since then, EternalCoverage has evolved and undergone many changes. We have hired an expert team of retro-tech YouTube influencers, paid bribe money to three of the Admirals of the Navy of the Grand State of Nebraska, and even shelled out for a designer for this website!
We Are Hiring!
EternalCoverage is currently hiring for the following positions:
  • Lawyers:
    We figure having some lawyers working for us can't hurt. We offer uncompetitive salaries and free air throughout our offices!
  • Getaway driver:
    Needed for our office cat. We don't know why - we don't ask questions and simply do as told.
    Bring catnip to your interview!
  • Chief Celery Officer:
    Responsible for procuring, storing, and handling of all manners relating to celery. MBA, excellent communications skills and 14 years of previous celery-related experience required.
To apply, please contact us via Ouija Board
What makes EternalCoverage different?
To be written...
Refund Policy
EternalCoverage has a very strict no-refund policy. However, in rare exceptions we may issue refunds in-person under certain conditions:
  1. Refund is requested via email.
  2. Request is accompanied by either a drawing or a 300 to 600 word story about the evil dealings of our office cat. She loves that stuff. We print them out for her daily and she wallows all over the piles of paper.
  3. You agree to pay for a lunch or dinner to receive your money back. Seafood restaurants not accepted.
  4. We reserve the right to agree, dismiss, or ignore any refund request at our sole discretion.
  5. Agreed upon lunch or dinner may be cancelled as late as 28 seconds before the scheduled start time.
Is EternalCoverage a real insurance company?
You're kidding, right? Of course not! We're just in it for the money and will do everything we can to never pay out.
So on second thought...
Do you have any cookie recipes on your website?
What is the connection between EternalCoverage and the Pentagon?
Kevin Bacon.
What's with all the comments about the office cat?
She's a sweet little thing. Tiny. Black. Loves chewing on USB cables. Really, we couldn't ask for a better kitty.
Only at night things sometimes get a little strange. She says that her last name is Escobar, and that she is the only surviving member of the itty bitty druglord committee. Then she giggles. She always found it funny when grown men, the most hardened criminals in the world, would nervously call themselves itty bitty druglords, trying to not run afoul of her.
Oh, and don't tell her that druglord is two words. Miguel, the last guy that tried, was found three days later, crying in a corner of the warehouse, eating Friskies Indoor Hairball Formula with chopsticks, one piece at the time. We never figured out what happened to him, but he's still there today.
Is there any serious content on this site?
Where's the fun in that?
Unfortunately though, we have to admit that there is some information that we had to take seriously, e.g. our Privacy Policy as required for Google sign in.