Base Coverage
Every policy sold by EternalCoverage contains the following exciting features:
A beautiful PDF emailed to you. (Seriously, that's a selling point!)
Up to $1,000,000 in expenses related to the panic your resurrection will
certainly cause.
Up to 3BTC (BitCoin) for personal expenses for each year you remain undead.
Nine chocolate chip cookies at the Family Mart near the Nagasaki Station,
1-67 Onouemachi, Nagasaki, 850-0058, Japan.
One suit that also covers your backside.
Résumé building help in case you decide to get a job.
Counseling in case you met Gary Busey during your short stay in the afterlife.
Language training in case English is no longer used by the time you return to life.
Optional Coverage
Left Foot Coverage: As seen on TV, many cases of zombification result in loss of the
person's left foot. As experts like Egyptian King Ramses III, who has more than
three thousand years experience with being dead, do not consider this a major obstacle,
EternalCoverage policies do not include coverage for your left foot unless you elect this
optional coverage. Right foot coverage included in Base Coverage.Dave Coverage: One problem that many returnees face is that people will
have forgotten your name and will refer to you as Dave.
This coverage will provide you with an
unlimited supply of name tags saying "Not Dave" in
bold, purple letters!Deity Clause: Some of us act like they are gods, but what if it turns out that you were a god?
Are you ready for the fame and responsibility? This clause offers you identity protection as
well as an all-expenses stay on a deserted island
in case you have been recognized as the return of a god of any of the religions below and do not
wish to participate. Covered Religions: Christianity (excluding Mormonism), Islam, Judaism,
Pastafarianism, and
Hinduism.Alien Abduction: Most jurisdictions do not issue death certificates in cases of
alien abduction. This additional coverage amends your policy so
that we will accept an in-alien appearance of your abductors in
lieu of a death certificate. Explanation of the reason of
abduction, re-enactment of any probing that occurred, and faster
than light travel required as proof.Overpayment Option: This option will raise your price by one dollar without providing
any additional benefit or coverage. We promise to not blow it all on candy!